Naija

A COMPENDIUM OF SOME UNIQUE NIGERIAN LINGO

Of late, I have become more naijacentric in my thinking. Someone once asked me if I was not guilty of “stinking thinking”—a term (I hate to admit) sometimes associated with Nigerians. I boldly refuse! I am tired of clinging to the apron strings of a deep subservience to mental imperialism, which still lingers even in my generation. This mindset often leaves us unable to be uniquely identified by certain words we have contributed—or could contribute—to international conversations.

The French have jealously guarded their language and successfully imputed some of their words into English conversations. A word like précis is French, yet it is fully acceptable in English writing. The Spanish word loco has also entered common use. Several other languages, including Japanese and Chinese, have contributed words that have been borrowed into global vocabulary. I ask myself: what is Africa’s own contribution to this global conversation? In Nigeria, we have created local words that are uniquely ours. I make it a point to use them, even when speaking with non-Nigerians, to impress upon others that we too have some colour to add to the global palaver.

This note is an attempt to celebrate some of those Nigerian words which enjoy common understanding across our diverse cultures. I believe that if we learn to celebrate our own, then over time—given the vast influence Nigerians have globally—our locally invented lexis will also gain global recognition. This list is by no means exhaustive, but simply outlines those that I can recall. I hope you too will contribute the words you know. So, let’s begin! I trust you’ll find this interesting—and please feel free to correct me wherever I may have gone off point. Ha ha ha.

1. Naija: a local variation for Nigeria
2. Obodo: an local word for village which has become widely used such as Obodo Oyinbo.
3. Oyinbo: A youruba word for Caucasians
4. Kpafuka: to spoil something. I heard a friend of mine coin another word from this – ‘Kpafucate’, used when a person dies. Eg. The old man don kpafucate.
5. Owambe: used to refer to partying.
6. Wahala: used to refer to much troubles.
7. Tufiakwa: used to exclaim a spitting action. Can also mean ‘God forbid’.
8. Isho: a sort of subtle deception.
9. Chilax: a concactenation of ‘Chill’ and ‘Relax’.
10. Bam: used to refer to something in a good state.
11. Kampe: similar to the word above, but usually used when referring to a persons’ wellbeing
12. Gbosa!: an exclamation of some action such as Hurray!
13. Egunje: a bribe.
14. Fisi or Jara: an extra portion added to a purchase.
15. Efizzy: used to refer to some form of special effects.
16. Jand: a local word for England.
17. Konk: used to refer to the hardness of a thing. Also used to refer to a hard knock on the head.
16. Chook: to pierce with a sharp object.
18. Jam: to meet someone.
19. Nack. A local word for knock. Also has a very obscene usage( don’t ask me).
20. Shakara or Yanga: meaning to pose or make a showoff.
21. Lepa: a very slim person. Another word could be ‘Lenge’.
22. Orobo: a fat person. Some even say ‘Orobolicious’.
23. Gorimakpa: a well shaven head, without any hair left.
24. Mess: to release fowl air from the outlet behnd a person.
25. Bomful: a local word for Buffoon.
26. Ogo: the projection back head.
27. Akpola: a heavy shoe with a massive sole.
28. Sisi: a young woman very current in fashion.
29. Timedify: a word widely used among the Efiks referring to scattering something.
30. 404: used in reference to Dog meat.
31. Wack: to eat. ‘Wackis’ also means food.
32. Kabu Kabu: means a Taxi.
33. Danfo: a commercial mini bus.
34. Okada: a commercial motorcycle.
35. Akanawan Baby: An Efik word for an old woman still trying to be sexy.
36. Aje-Butter: a spoilt child or one raised in affluence.
37. Aje-Kpako: one raised in hard circumstances.
38. How far: What’s up.
39. Kolomental: an insane person.
40. Magomago: a form of cheating.
41. Expo: any form of leakage or aid for exam malpractice.
42. Fashi or Bone: to forget about somethng, or treat as insignificant.
43. Orijo: a local term for original.
44. Sawdust: a secondary school term for Garri. Some call it Garrium-Sulphide.
45. Tie-fling: a word used for a wrap of shit in a nylon bag in the absence of toilet facilities. Usually in some remote secondary school.
46. Jabo: to abandon a person.
47. Badoski: a person really skilled at his profession; good or bad.
48. Paddy or Pally: a pal or close friend or associate.
49. Pepper: used in reference to money.
50. Shaks: referring to hard drinks.
51. Lailai: never.
52. yarn: to talk aimlessly.
53. Okpas: a nonsensical talk.

Oya, make una write una own…me I don tire before I yarn okpas… ha ha ha!

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Politics

THE POLITICS OF MONEY IN NIGERIA

Three issues first. First, a blog is meant to be a sort of precis of ones thoughts on any matter. I pratically always struggle to summarize my thought in such a way that people will be adequately informed of my position without any misconceptions. So I end up leaving much to say out of my discusson. But thankfully, others usually cover up such yawning gaps by their intelligent contributions to the discourse. Second, I usually feel incompetent to write on issues that I have not been an inside player. This is a valid stance because experience can not be traded for something else. Third, I hate being emotional in my discussions, because it numbs the senses and walks the path of darkness when seeking to address crucial points of human interests. However, despite these cautionary dispositions of mine, something does overrule them and behoves upon me the urgent responsibility to act or at least make my voice heard. Commonsense is what casts aside any inadequacies we feel about making a contribution in whatever capacity we can. It is out of this self same “uncommon” commonsense that I will try to highlight my arguments on the evil relationship between money and politics in the Nigerian context.

If indeed money answers all things, there is one thing it will always fail to buy, and that is credibility. The credibility of Nigerian politics has been absolutely mired by the role money plays. Not that money is evil in itself, but its use in the pursue of power has broken the fragile conscience of even the youngest breed of the Nigerian citizen. Prior to an era of wanton and reckless showmanship of mammonism, politics was about a good and revered name. I remember the Aikiwes, the Awolowos, the Eyo Itas, the Enahoros, the Margaret Ekpos, and those in their exclusive class. These men were not fabulously rich, but with a good name and an undying passion to deliver their people from the shackles of colonialism and imperialism they fought their way up, and cast a spell on the British oadministrators with their fine rhetoric and sound arguments. Oh that we should regain the virtues of these children of our land, when the even air produced an innocence that created a desire for mutual benefit accross the land.

But from the adventure of the military into our civility, we have only witnessed a gradual putrefaction of our patriotism and the seeds of corruption being sown in the soil of a strong emotional attachment to money. money became the only way men could secure their living and how to get this was the predominace of thought. The lives of mere men became stepping stones and ladders for devilish souls to climb to the ungodly heights of plucking public wealth while their commodious appetite became insatiable. Yes, in certainty, many were drawn into this fallen nature and the society suffered for it. A necessary trajectory which events took was the subsequent urgency for men to secure their territory, and political power was the only way people could afford to either enhance their aquisitions or protect their purchases from the malls of corruption.

Today, what we witness is the blatant hijacking of the Nigerian politics by self serving money bags, who wield their lilliputian intellect to swindle Nigerians of their right to decent living. They spray their ill-gotten wealth on the political terrain to lumber their way into political office and commit more offense against Nigeria. What can be done? Nothing. As long as INEC places a heavy price tag on those seeking public office, money will always mes the process up. As long as the regulation requires a huge monetary commitment by those who want to serve, our system will hardly be rid of dubious men. All that this has produced is more and more business politicians, who invest money to gain power and reap a harvest of funds for the public good. Did I hear someone just remind me of the concept of god-fatherism played out by Chris Uba and Dr. Ngige? That was the messiest evidence of politics of trade by barter going o in Nigeria. Chris Uba even had the effontery to declare war on the Ngige government because his monetary investments were being threatened. What insult on the Nigerian people. Nothing was done and these men stil walk the streets of the nations as though they owe us no explanation.

Oh…c’mon!!! $16 Billion for the power sector mismanaged? I can hardly breathe! Siemens bribed our government officials?? What’s happening here?? Iyabo Obasanjo did what???? You mean almost all the governors paid their way in there??? NOw I need a gas tank to breathe!! I am a Nigerian and our politics is choking me!!! Who will rescue us and divorce our politics from money. It is impossible to marry the two and not expect the twin children of corruption and poverty. We will not be delivered from this imbroglio and uncanny men will continue to dominate our politics and jump on tables to trade punches in place of decent positive argument communication. I am raising this discussion not because I intend to provide answers by myself, for that would be sheer mockery on my part. But I do this to stimulate a viable discussion that an generate the necessary consensus to press hard upon our leaders to absolutely regulate if not remove enirely the element of money from our politics. Like I said earlier, I still want to pour out, but I must cease here to make the rest of this discussion possible.

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Politics

I WENT FOR HILLARY’S LAST CAMPAIGN – MY REPORT

First of all I must say that Hillary has a lot of supporters that are heavily passionate. You can feel how their fervor exudes from their speech and gesticulations on their position on the present state of things in the Democratic Nominating Process. Approximately 70% – 80% of her supporters are women, and among the women population, approx. 70% of these are older women. I was keen on observing this trend as I stood outside the hall for 2 hours waiting to get into the venue of her much anticipated speech.

There were ranting and screaming outside and many distributed various fliers stating different claims. Some were inviting people to a film presentation on Hillary in NY and others were fund raising. DENVER! DENVER! DENVER! broke the silent neighborhood and created a sort of slow traffic movement as motorists slowly passed by wondering what this madness was all about. The press also had a huge presence there and like ants scurrying away food for the winter, they garnered enough stories from supporters and picked on individuals adorning campaign tshirts for video interviews.

A twist in happenings outside came when an intruder came within Hillary’s holy flock. Wearing a bold OBAMA ’08 shirt and carrying a huge poster: DROP OUT NOW!!! he was a really bold man in the midst of wounded women. I really felt sorry for him for all the railings and invectives he got. The police had to call him aside and counsel him to move to a farther location to express his concerns. Interesting I thought. A lot of old women with walking aids loitered around and trying to make their shrill voices heard. I thought this was beautiful as democracy can get, for people to feel that they still mattered in the scheme of things.

Still outside, I stuck myself closely to a few commentaries people were giving outside. Of course they were comfortable around me as I quickly bought a $2 Hillary pin and got a sticker on my shirt. The crux of their discussion was that they have no idea who Obama is and where did he appear from. He has no track record and he only speaks about change without concrete evidences of what he can do. One conspiratorialist of a woman was busy propagating that there is a new video or picture of Michelle Obama and Louis Farrakhan wife posted on the web and that is going to sway the judgment of the Super delegates. She stated that by thursday, a huge number of them will move over to support Hillary and that will end the strife and she will become the nominee. Scary!!

Well, I eventually got in about 8:45pm after a long 2:50mins wait outside. The hall was not so big as it is the Baruch college basketball hall that was used, so at most about 15,000 – 20,000 people were around, but only about 2000 – 3000 people could access the hall and I was in the privileged few. Don’t ask me how. I sat in my house and received a invitation to the rally by an inside friend, so I got in smoothly. Of course there was shouting and slogans every corner as typical of a campaign. And we all waited expectantly for Hillary to appear. I knew that she would only appear when she has been confirmed winner of South Dakota as the exit polls showed. And indeed she appeared at 9:30pm to a rousing welcome from a hungry crowd of wild supporters.

Hillary opened the speech by declaring she had won the contest in South Dakota. She went on to congratulating Obama for a spirited campaign and ended there. The rest was a tribute to the wonderful campign she has had and who she is and what she would love to do for America. I was so disappointed by this speech because I knew that somewhere else, Obama was praising the virtues of the American people as a whole and placing them in the fore-front of a change he is offering. All Hillary could have done was to have warmed her way into the hearts of American by a speech that extends an olive branch to the Obama campaign like he had done towards her. But no, the people behind her were screaming to get to Denver and keep the fight going even in the face of serious disadvantages for the party. I felt the air seeping out of me and such an asphyxiating environment almost made me run off. I tuned off after a while and resorted to taking pictures and then managed to get myself towards the door so i could quickly escape before the mad rush out.

On my way out I stopped to buy a bottle of Sierra Mist to quench my embittered thirst and was inescapably grabbed by an Italian Newspaper and a Japanese Newspaper interviewers and for the next 15 minutes drained the ideas out of me on how the democratic party could achieve unity. They both obviously were supporters of Obama from the comments they made. I bore my mind to them on several issues and told them why a joint ticket is ill-advised. I ran off from them and escaped another TV interview and ran along at about 10:30pm. Phew!!! What a day!

I got home to the threat of my wife to PLEASE REMOVE THAT HILLARY STICKER NOW OR GO AND MARRY HER!!!……(She didn’t say that ohhh…was just the speech that I got from her looks…lol). I tuned into CNN and heard the speech Obama gave and said to myself, “this guy must have an adviser filled with the Holy Ghost!!

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