CAVEAT!!! FOR BROTHERS ONLY: TOP 14 BIBLICAL WAYS TO GET A WIFE.

Before I start let me warn again. You shouldn’t be reading this if you are not a brother. The consequences are quite dire like immediately displaying some male qualities not to be mentioned here. I have randomized the list below, so it is in no particular order. So please take your pick wisely and may the force of life guide your choice. Here we go:

    1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she is yours for life. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) 

    2. Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3)

    3. Find a man with seven daughters, impress him by watering his flock. (Exodus 2:16-21)

    4. Purchase a piece of property and get a woman as part of the deal. (Ruth 4:5-10)

    5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. (Judges 21:19-25)

    6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: This will cost you a rib. (Genesis 2:19-24)

    7. Agree to work for seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the    woman you wanted in the first place. At least you get double for your trouble. (Genesis 29:15-30)

    8. Cut-off 200 foreskins of your future father-in-law’s enemies and as a reward, get his daughter as your wife. (1 Samuel 18:27)

    9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you’ll definitely find someone. (Genesis 4:16-17)

    10. Become the Emperor of a great nation, then hold a beauty contest and choose a wife from the alluring array. (Esther 2:3-4)

    11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents: I have seen a dashdash woman in blahblah; now get her for me as my wife.” If they     question your decision, simply say: Get her for me. She’s the right one for me.” (Judges 14:1-3)

    12. Kill any husband and take his wife. Warning: prepare to lose four sons though. (2 Samuel 11 at least you will study your Bible this year) 😉

    13. Wait for your brother to die, then take his widow. It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law. (Genesis 38:6-8)

    14. Don’t be so picky my friend. Make up quality with quantity. (1 Kings 11:1-3)

     

This is to encourage every brother out there looking for their life partners that there is hope. Oh yes! There is hope! 🙂

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16 thoughts on “CAVEAT!!! FOR BROTHERS ONLY: TOP 14 BIBLICAL WAYS TO GET A WIFE.

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  1. I’ve seen something like this before, but it is still so funny. God’s ways are better than ours and usually quite entertaining.

  2. Calabar Boy, no doubt, this is comical; but don’t you think its satirical to the bible, and evangelically damping to contemporary mind. I fear a stray of the comic target to a more covert biblical repulsion.

    1. The world is already perverted, so my attempt at the jocular will not re-qualify the extent of such perversion. What I hope for in this lighted hearted read is that perhaps those who click on each of the Bible references will end up reading through more of the scriptures. Cunning I Know, but it serves a purpose I believe 🙂

  3. I hope it works out. Its will be pleasant to know it does. Do you have tracking cache for those following the bible reference links?

  4. This is hilarious! Loves it…… i especially like the one about sleeping while God makes one for you(it’ll cost you a rib though! lol)
    Reggie you are such a good writer!

  5. LOLOL hilarious and the woman in your graphic even comes complete with her own devil’s pitchfork.. clever!!. Ya erm, most of these techniques might not get you guys very far nowadays…just a warning 🙂

  6. We moved down into the center of the children playing looking
    up at them. Robert: We have different interests and different likes and dislikes.
    ‘ 85% copper wires are very thin, about the diameter of a pencil.

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