There is an increasing concern in my heart regarding how a lot of my fellow men have reduced the beauty of relating to the opposite sex to a thing of utter disgust. More and more women have genuine concerns about finding men with a sincere heart. I had written on the fact and truth that there are still more good men than the bad ones in the world today, and I stand by this conclusion any time. But I must not also ignore the fact that there are prating fools and growling Lions, laying siege on the females and seeking whom they may devour. These are men who go about beating their chest with an amazing hubris, and talking about their spoils in terms of how many women are dumped in their arsenals, as though life doesn’t present better courses of accomplishment. Everywhere you turn to, there is one lady whose heart has been broken, whose emotions have been seared, and whose future has been threatened. While it seems appropriate to highlight the good and encourage an appreciation of such, it behooves me to give a straight talk to those who seem to be enjoying the delusional state of female dominance, and those who romanticize their warped and supercilious mentalities as charisma. I do this because men must be called into accountability of regarding the role they play and how they must play it in society today. Too much is being lost, including the very thing that makes being human interesting, and men seem to be unconcerned with what their fellow man does. Well, this is just a little piece of my mind to address this.

What was great about school life was that it gave one an opportunity to study how people socialize; especially men and women. Back in school, I was walking down to the lecture hall when suddenly I overheard some young men daring one in their company to go and chat up a pretty girl, innocently walking to class also. While I feigned ignorance of their motives, I watched with keen interest on how the drama will play out. The young guy wanting to prove a point walked up to the girl and began talking to her and what happened from then on I have no idea. But what I saw later was pretty disturbing. A few weeks later, I saw the young girl and this guy eating at the cafeteria and laughing away, obviously a sign that she had fallen for his antics and he was feeling like the king of the moment. Well, I thought very little of it, as I didn’t expect it to result in any meaningful relationship because this same guy obviously is doing the same to a few other girls. What really pained me was the fact that the girl had no idea what really played out behind the scenes, for if she knew, maybe things could have been different for her. But she had naively fallen for a man of no noble intention. This case was not the last example I saw. I saw how several young ladies gave their hearts out for the first time and got it locked up in a bottle in the male hostels, while the guys openly discussed with other Johnny Bravos their several conquest and plan containment of other tougher calls.

I recall times when I had to step in to avoid someone hurting themselves all because a guy somewhere had decided to end it. The greater problem will be that how to help them deal with the pain because that same guy will in a flash be flirting openly with another prey. It seemed so easy for young men to dance in and out of a woman’s heart with a numbness that extremely baffles one. With little or no feeling, it was as though there was a collective position of revenge against female species maybe due to female dominance in the former life. I admit that something in me also resonated along those lines, but I couldn’t just stand the thought of how people can hurt someone else and feel free to walk around with an air of confidence and thought you just had a steaming bath. This is a point when one will scream “what the heck!” A lot of young men seem not to contain their hormones but attack everything their eyes can see. When they are done and seem to have overcome, they promptly look for what else to pursue. Interestingly these are the same men that will grow up to be fathers and then will overprotect their daughters. A few times I have been talked down by some father who thought I was chasing their precious kid, and on one occasion I had to laugh over the phone to the ire of the poor man. Oh that he knew! Check properly, such men who brood over their daughters probably had dealt with the daughters of other men. Now that it is their turn, they simply cannot bear the thought of what could be happening to their prides of Barbados while they are not watching. Their past simply hunts their present, and they take it out on the little girls. Shame!

In society today, we see repeatedly how men play around with women and forget the fact that a lot of men are paying dearly because of the curses placed on them by angry women. Not all destitute you see on the road are produced by poverty. Some are living under a curse, and worse still, a curse by a woman. I am not using scare tactics, but stating a reality that exits from irresponsible demeanor. So take this as a letter to such men, men who have refused to be responsible for morally acceptable behaviour and men who give into their need for sexual prowess at the expense of the ones they are supposed to protect. I also write this to those who have accepted a higher call to duty that they will be wary of such friends and rebuke them whenever they come across such. Therefore in a few points I want to give some straight talk to men in this state of mind, and I sincerely hope that someone is challenged to do the right and make a change for the better. Life does not rotate around you, and you are not the center of attraction. Until you realize that there are issues larger than you, you will live within the realms of your self-conceit and pay a heavy price sometime in life. My advice is stated henceforth and this is not an occasion for women to pour out their anger as well, but objectively look at this open discourse and admit where they have also gone wrong.

1. Women are not playthings. Most men grew up seeing women like a prize to be won, and then played with. Yes it is in our nature to acquire things for the purpose of playing. You are permitted to do this, but restrict such acquisition to stocks, clothes, perfumes, cars, electronics, and even a house. But to include women amongst the possession you must amass is evil. When you go out to shop, there is no store for the purchase of women, except those who offer only their bodies for your pleasure. Even these ones will demand a measure of respect from you and you probably know how embarrassed you can become without giving into their demand. Women are a gift from God without a price tag. He gave them to us because he saw our inadequacies and not our strengths. Therefore remember that it is because you were not complete on your own that is why they came around. We all know that if you gave someone a gift and turned around to see that the person is trampling it underfoot; your reaction may only be measured by your level of self-control. No one wants to see his gift unappreciated, no matter how little in value it is. Therefore stop treating our gift as though the giver were not important, or like you have no need of it. Get this right in your heart, the giver is watching and will decide how deserving you are to be trusted with one. Don’t think that you will mess up women then settle to a pleasant life. Joke?

2. Stop saying what you don’t mean. I find it troubling how a man will see a woman for the first time in his life then decide she is the best thing that ever happened to him. LIE!!! We know the truth that your hormonal surge and the arousal of the thing under your boxers doesn’t mean your titillation equals appreciation. Where exactly is your brain located? If it is above your body, then let it take the leadership is deciding against lustful postures. True every good thing should be appreciated, but with what motive? Most of us have already undressed a woman at first sight before even saying hello. Even if you are dying inside because Cleopatra is sitting across from you, bury yourself rather than bury her in your lascivious appetite. Using cunning words and sensual nuances in speech just to give a false sense of concern makes you look like an empty barrel with no substance. The trouble is that many women refuse to look beyond the words an fall stupidly into the arms of a hit and run. But hey man! Shut your mouth up when you have nothing sensible to say. If you see a woman you like, build a friendship first and be truthful about who you really are, rather than all the lies you parade.

3. She is not your fall back option. A lot of men these days just want to play, but also want to get serious. This is the typical case of wanting to eat your cake and have it at the same time. Tu es possible? Let her go if you have other options and stop wasting her precious life with your incontinence. You must understand that she is destined to be part of someone else’ life and you should never be a hindrance to this. You are only allowed to have one at any given point, and to that one you must be truthful and faithful. So keeping one as a reserve is very wicked of you when you know that you can never give her your full commitment and concentration. Just as you want to find the ideal one, so also she deserves her ideal man, and you probably are not when using her as an alternative. Was with a friend of mine sometime and he went on and on about 3 different ladies he was considering. He claimed that if he asked anyone of them to marry him, they surely will. I asked him how he effectively maintained a relationship with these three women to the point that any of them will willingly marry him. It was obvious that he was clearly shady and shielding each relationship from the other, simply because he was trying to taste the waters to see which was sweeter. When did women become groundnuts?

Part two tomorrow…