MY COUNTERFACTUALS

 

oldskool2

Have you ever wondered what your life would be like without what you currently have? Some have argued that it is a futile attempt to imagine what is not since it doesn’t exist. You will at best fall into the extremities of fantasizing because of course your imaginations will be highly subjective and without the objectivity of natural occurrence. However, it will be deceptive to assume that most of us do not imagine what the other side of our lives will be like. Questions such as where would we be, if we weren’t born to our parents? Or what would we be like if we were born poor? What will I be like without my religious beliefs? Awkward still we imagine what we would be like if we were the other sex. No matter how sophisticated your thought processes, I believe you sometimes romance the idea of your counterfactuals. I daresay that there is nothing unhealthy about imagining your unknown side because your thoughts matter in the entire process. If your outcome today is a product of your thinking patterns, then your imaginations will not be far from revealing what your other side would have become even in the absence of certain influences.

I show you three areas of my life where I have totally battered my imaginations on the counterfactual. The first is my family, the second in my social status, and the third in my sex. I still have other aspects I often snack on, but these three dominate the thought series. And I give you my take on each part of the mental tripod. Certain information is not palatable for social discourse, so I will be discrete about them, other are plain riotous, and some are heinous. Yes, believe me, they are heinous and hideous. Mock me not oh my contemporaries, for in this profession I remain the least qualified. For thou my reader art excellent above all in this matter and art resplendent with the glories of vanity just like I thine little brother. I proceed…

I sometimes imagine what my life is like if I weren’t born to my parents; my father and mother, and all who stood as guardians. I imagined what language I will be speaking and what kind of character I would exude. Considering what my known background is, I sort of always imagined that I will be an absolutely unrefined animal lacking a pleasant outlook and respect for the common good. Without the discipline knocked into my head by my mum, I see myself as going totally bananas. Confessing, I have picked-pin (some of you have no idea what this means…standing on one feet and bending over with one finger touching the ground)and also knelt down with my hands up in the air all in a bid to get my product out this way. Not saying that it was what conformed me to my present image, but it sure did play a part in my knowing how serious my mother was at getting me straight. My imaginations in this regard doesn’t evoke anything positive, because I feel I am manipulative enough to have deserved the kind of ‘unmanipulative’ parent I had. My counterfactual to me would have been parent that I will sell their brains to earn myself a position in the delinquency hall of fame.

Now to my social class, which is about being rich or poor. I know being rich is a relative term, but for purposes of this discourse, you know what I mean: rich as in rich. Supposing I was born richhhhhhhh? That is richer than how I was actually born. This is what my imagination says my counterfactual would be. First I would be the most humble man on earth. I have tried to laugh it off as my actual good side influencing what my imagination produces. But believe me, I still cannot imagine how money will bloat me up (I expect to be crucified for this…no props). I have tried acting puffed up, lording over people, being oppressive, or even being callous. I just don’t succeed at that enterprise. How this I am confident of, that I will be the most sleek man on earth, my skin will glow with the like a cool shaded amber and feel velvety. I will wear customized shirts and drive customized cars. I will have a simple outlook, but smell of unattained quality. The sweet part is that I will be the greatest philanthropist in the world. I will ban poverty from the whole world and make everyone rich. I will buy my way into global influence and dictate the outcome of global politics. I will……. let me just stop there, before someone else steals my counter facts.

To complete my mental triangulation, I put on my skirt and brassiere. Beyonce sang her own counterfactual: “If I were a boy”, and symphonized on how a girl would want to be treated by a guy. But I am in no mood for a melody, as my first duty will be to create a powerful female movement responsible for cutting of that thing that has made maledom hold sway over a concept meant to be beautiful: relationships. Then we will begin to redistribute it to those males that pass our examinations based on the new definitions of manhood….ha ha ha….sound hideous uhn? But that is what I see the female me doing. On the other hand, I will so be the best woman on the face of the earth that I will give no reason for the existence of sexual exploitation, segregation, or discrimination. I will also be the best wife and most submissive to my husband, yet retaining my intelligence and building a great family and societal influence. The rest you don’t want to know.

The other aspects of my counterfactual I cannot discuss here, because I will stir the hornets’ nest and get my present fans to question my real self….lol. But I just want to let you all know that I am still under construction and not by any means near the perfect idea of a man. But I still do entertain crazy thoughts in my head and admittedly, some are just my subtle reaction to the present things I don’t like, and others are just a revelation to myself that I still have an evil nature to curb, and others are simply a reflection of the altruistic me I w ant to attain. A mixture of all these should give one a confused definition of reality. But I am eternally grateful that I am here now and me now. For what I am not, I do not cry about but work towards, being mindful of what morphing evil tendencies I may possess. The real truth is I am still amazing myself each day I live, for I am yet to think through what I can fully become outside what I presently am. I really need help.

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One thought on “MY COUNTERFACTUALS

  1. while laughing almost the whole way reading this article, it has made me think deeply…what would i do if i were a man?
    my plan is to make the best of what i am…take every risk i need to, never walk when i can run, hug tightly, love deeply,…..cos i dont know how long i have to be here. cheers

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